I just finished code geass I am a changed person. Cuz no what was that ending. Why lately everytime I watch or playing something THE MC FUCKING DIES?? I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE FF 7 CRISIS CORE, FF X, FF 15, FF 16, PERSONA 3, FIRE EMBLEM(??), DEATHNOTE, AND NOW THIS? THIS ALL I HAVE PLAYED RIGHT AFTER EACH. LIKE WOW AM I NOT ALLOWED TO FEEL HAPPINESS. HELL R THE MCS NOT ALLOWED TO FEEL HAPPINESS??. I AINT TOUCHING AN RPG OR A SEINEN FOR A LONG LONGGG TIME. I OFFICALLY HAVE TRUST ISSUES. AM I JUST UNLUCKY OR?? 6/10 GAMES IBE PLAYED RECENTLY MC DIES THIS IS NOT NORMAAAAAL. Yet somehow I eat it up everytime, I’m so done. والله يارب I can’t do this rn

Last thing I promise.. (╥﹏╥) after EVERYTHING THAT MF LELOUCH DID HE DECIDED TO DIE?? SRS THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE REALLY DECIDED HIS LAST MISSON SHOULD BE A SUICIDE ONE. OH HELL NAH. SHIRLEY, EUPHEMIA EVEN ROLO DIDNT DIE FOR THIS. ALL THAT WORKED AMASSED LITERALLY NOTHING (not actually yknow what I mean) LIKE WHY R U TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD ALL OF A SUDDEN, WTF HAPPENED TO MAKING A PEACFUL WORLD FOR NUNANNLY THE MF EVEN KEPT TALKING ABT HAVING TO KILL HER MAYBE (ik he wouldn’t but the fact he said it (╬ Ò﹏Ó)
Despite all of this, The endings a beautiful tragedy and I can’t help but be left in awe and admiration. Hell I hate to admit it but it’s probably the most fitting way for the show to end. Anyways excuse my ranting I think it's obvious by now I am not ok. The female rage is raging hard.. (ノ_<、)

!! this is an edit of the ending, DON'T CLICK IT IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THE SHOW YET!!

It’s always that phase of watching edits after you finish a good show that makes me the most depressed. Btw abt the edit im not sure if id call it the best ending ( ive forgotten most good ones tho) but definitely top 3/5

Thank you for reading my really crappy rant lmao. Btw this was orginally a discord convo so that's why it may sound weird, butt I thought it was too funny not to post (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

Maybe in an ideal world, it the shows a slice of life anime where Lelouch can live out his highscool days with Nunnally and Suzaku. Wait I'm getting Déjà vu... (it's an eva reference, everythings an eva reference ∑d(°∀°d)

Hiya! Today I started my first day of highschool. Honestly, it wasn't has bad as I thought it would be (this will prob not last for long but oh well)! I thankfully have 2 weeks to try any GCSE I want, so hopefully I come to a descion soon. I'm contemplating between computing/art and physics/chemistry. As I've said in a previous blog post (I think lol) I'd like to become a concept artist or character designer in the video games indutries, but their aren't many jobs so computer sceince would be the safer option. Then again who'd willing do computing? That's practically a death sentence oh hell no. If you have any suggest lemme know in the chatbox (pls I need them D:)

This was a pretty short post, but honestly I've got nothing more too share lolol. If your in school hope you have a good year (you'll prob wanna kys at some point but hey good to have a postive mindset righ? XD) Will update soon though xoxo

Take care readers!!

Talk soon, H (I finally figured out smth new too use, hope it's better ;D)

Hello once again! I don't have much too report ig so I'll just word vomit my thoughts lol.

Lately I've been struggling a lot with creativity, and I have no idea why. I think I consume enough media and other miscallenous things too spark some insparation in me. But I got nothing. Now you may be thinking "but H! You've made this website, you gotta have some creativity!". Ik i'm putting myself down like this and I have worked very hard on this site but, I mostly use templates and it dosen't take much to put some pretty pics together (it sure did take a hellish amount of time though). I've come to find myself scrolling on neocities, admiring all the pretty and (keyword) unique sites. The only thing that crosses my mind themost is "I wanna be like them". This is just one of the many cases of this. I come too look at my own and I think "what does this say about me as a person" and I dont know. I really don't know. I've come to start thinking of myself like transcluent jelly. See through and borderline empty, but with a few things jiggling inside me. Nothing set in stone though, nothing sticks. I wish I was like others sometimes

So back to creativity, I find myself remnscing about the younger me. I used to be super artistic and bubbly, staying up late to finish projects, joining schools councils and clubs, etc.. But for some >reason that's all faded away, and it makes me so sad I feel like crying. What changed? This is million dollar question i keep asking myself. Why'd this happen? It's like suffering a disease, I wanna create hell I NEED to create smth anything It's the only way I know how to express myself. But nothing is coming, so does that mean I have nothing to express? Am I just an empty shell of the person I used to be? I hope not.

I find when I draw nowadays I just end up random crap, just morbid looking faces (not in a creepy way in a my arts gotten that bad way lol) disfigured anatomy, etc... It's awful cuz deep down ik I can make something amazing if I tried. But I think Im trying my hardest, I study, practice, you know name it. So why aren't creating smth actually noteworthy. I just keep vomitting weird shit onto the page. It's like my hand is immune to drawing like a face for example. Like why tf can't I draw eyes (every artists struggle XD) its not that frickin hard man.

I wish I had a sweet way of words like others. This is one of the things that can't be fabricated. Going onto others sites (yes again stfu) how ppl write makes them come across and sweet, kindhearted ppl. But when I write I sound like a 12yr old boy. And to add salt to the wound my mothers a writer, an amazing one at that. Her writings are so graceful and elegant almost, it makes you feel as if you've been transported to another world entierly. So you'd think my sorry ass would inhert some of that. I guess this is some the common struggles of a people pleaser. But maybe I'm mainly trying to please myself. Maybe

I've recently been diasgnosed with ocd. I'm losing my shit it is genuinley gonna be the end of me. It's like me and everything I care about are being held for ransom and If I dont do the task everything I love goes bye bye. Like yknow I've become scared of the number 6? I wish I was joking. It's bcs it's the fav number of someone I (hate to admit) am borderline scared off. Hell as Im writing this I'm thinking "if I used brackets this is gonna happen.. If write off insted of x will happen" WHEN WILL THESE STUPID THOUGHTS GET OUT OF MY HEAD??? Like wtf who gives a shit about off and of wtf. Another good example, let's say I gotta take some meds, simple enough right? NOPE. All of a sudden it turns into this matrix ahh scene where my brain goes "if you take this basically indentical pill all your friends will stop liking you. But if if you take this other pill you'll be alr meaning safe... for now..." LIKE OH HELL NAH WHAT IS THIS SQUID GAMES?? (i've never watched it o.) But I just CAN'T shake the feeling of that something bad is gonna happen. I guess this is my way of trying to have to have control. Man I can't do this anymore I just wanna go into an eternal sleep (with voice of no return playing in the background, I can already imagine it XD)

Recently i've been really loving Olivia Lufkins music, you may know her as Reiras singer from Nana! But she is SO MUCH more than that!! Pls check her out! (click rn)

Man I could probably keep going but I've had enough word vomitting for one night. Thats all I seem too be good for. Vomtting (disclaimer: not literally Xp) I dream of the day I have somewhat coherent thoughts. Maybe I have undiagnosed adhd lmao X)

Maybe I should take a bath. As my queen Misato has said "Bathing cleans the mind and soul" the realest and my personal biggest kinnie goatsato (I promsie i'm not a pedo (don't think she exactly is one but still I dont wanna get cancelled xp")

Wow It's 4:40 I've been writing for like 2 hoursm holy. I wonder what's my word count lol. H signing off, take care of yourselves!!

also, I think I say lol and XD too much lol XD

Theres no better alterntive i'm sorry ^w^

But yknow Ive come to realise pressure to be smth amazing really is high. I kid u not all the joy I had in me left as soon as I started looking other ppls amazings site. So here I am, grinding away on my sites code at the dead of night just to make smth that, at most, looks hlaf as nice as others. And it hits hard when It's ppl ur age, like srs bro what did i miss Ik the skill didn't come quick to others but hell it dosent look that way lol, no matter how much I tell myself. Missing when things were easy lmao.
Take care of yourselves, Despite what I say nothing in life really matters. Thats why you should live it to the fullest doing wtv the heck you want. Man I should just listen to myself then maybe my problems would go away lol.

Lifes too short to worry right?

Signing off H (Haven't thought of anything better yet sorry lmao)

First blog post! But tbh I dont have much to report right now lol. I'm about to start school in a week and wow did summer flash by quick. School still feels like yesterday D: I'll be starting my first year of highschool and my GCSE's. If I could smack my past self I would because I don't really like the subjects I picked. But then again it's kinda my schools fault bcs (idk how to explain this) they make you pick one subject in a row so If you wanna pick 2 in a row you can't. Like I wanted to do both computing and art but I couldn't so I just chose computing and product design. I don't even know if I'll like DT (whoops).

So ya, I'm still thinking about what I wanna be when I grow up. I've alwys dreamed of becoming a game dev but there are literally no jobs where I'm from so rip that dream ig. Unless I go indie, maybe lol. Becoming a character designer would be super cool too, Theres this italian designer Roberto Ferrari who works at square enix. He got me thinking "Hey if he could do it why can't I!" I just hope I won't be shunned back at home. Anyways thats enough ranting from me!

H signing of! (I hope that dosen't sound cringe)